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This is part 4 of a series of articles, detailing the last several years of my life. This journey will include my experience as a Marine Corps infantryman, my transition to civilian life, becoming a first-time college student, a seeker-sensitive pastor, and a personal conviction to not stop at the Doctrines of Grace and to keep Reforming my faith. I hope this can be a form of encouragement for people going through a similar transition in their lives, and for those unsatisfied with the ambiguousness of the term Reformed. 

Before my first day of college, I had made one prior trip to campus for an orientation given for new students. They fed my wife and I dinner in the cafeteria, then showed us around a bit which gave me a sense of where everything was located. We were very encouraged by the campus, finding it to be a wonderful environment for learning. Being out of high school for over 14 years at this point I was amazed at the little things most people would likely take for granted. The library with all of its books, and the computer lab which felt like it had a computer available for just about every student. Although their cafe was a bit on the small side, I could imagine myself in there drinking coffee while working on an assignment. They even had their own Apple Store! Are you kidding me? Although the entire campus was likely considered small when compared to other public colleges in the area, the tremendous size of the campus was something that definitely took me by surprise. I was all set to start school the following week. I had my computer, my backpack, and a good mechanical pencil at the ready!

So after much prayer and about a year of planning, I had finally made it into a college classroom. When I walked in for my Introduction to Philosophy class, I sat in the back of the room to get a better feel for the environment. I knew that I was going to be a bit older than most students at the school, but was still surprised when the class filled up with these young people that looked like they could be my children! Now don’t get me wrong, some of these students would end up being very mature for their age. But at the moment, I felt like I was in the movie Billy Madison, sitting amongst a group of children with whom I had no connection to whatsoever. This feeling became even more of a reality when the professor decided it would be a great idea for us to introduce ourselves before we started class. I started to think of what I was going to say but the professor was one-step ahead of me and had already written it on the board.

What is your name?

Where are you from?

What is your major?

Why did you decide to come to this university?

What is something interesting about yourself?

At first, these questions didn’t seem like a big deal. But as we went around introducing each other I found myself becoming more discouraged by the second. There was Justine, who was 18 years old and had just left home for the first time. David was a baseball player at the university and had come all the way from San Diego, which was the farthest he had ever been away from his father. He was 18 as well. Taylor would speak next, telling us she was happy to now be an adult and on her own. As an incoming Freshman, she had made the cheerleading squad at the university and was looking forward to performing at games. I was next, and my heart was racing! You would think after all these years teaching, and leading others that I would not have a problem with this. But I found myself in the first 5 minutes of the very first day of school, already trying to relate to the people around me.

I told them my name and that I had been out of school for a while. Before I could continue, I was interrupted by the professor who asked me,

“So what have you done since high school?”

I told him that I had served in the military for a long time, which prompted him to then ask an immediate follow-up question,

“Which branch of service did you serve in?”

It was this follow-up question that struck a nerve with me. I had never been ashamed of my service and had always felt honored to serve my country. But at this very moment, this was not one of those times. I found myself irritated by his question. I told them that I served in the Marines, and then explained how I was a father of two children and a husband as well. He then thanked me for my service and stated how happy he was to have another adult in the classroom. Everyone laughed, including me. But to be honest, I wasn’t very happy. Most of my remaining classes played out in a similar fashion the rest of the week. Attending a private university means smaller classes than your average public school offers, which results in an inability to blend in with the rest of the class.

I was never one to lay-low when it came to learning. During my 12-years of service, I had served in many Marine Corps Schools that resulted in over 45 transferable credits upon acceptance to college. Although only 1 of those credits would be added to my Biblical Studies degree plan, the extra credits allowed me to transfer to the school as well as avoid taking the dreaded Physical Education requirement. I guess they figured Marine Corps Basic Training (boot camp) was a good enough substitution for that course. The schools I attended in the Marine Corps were often intense. I will list some of them below to provide some clarity to my closing paragraph below.

Sergeants Course

Infantry Squad-Leaders Course

Range Coaches Course

Primary Marksmanship Instructor Course

Helicopter Rope-Suspension Technique Masters Course

Staff Non-Commisioned Officers Career Course

Infantry Platoon Sergeant Course

Advanced Mortarman Course

Marine Corps Combat Instructor Course

As you can see, the training I received in the Marine Corps was entirely different than the education I would receive in college. This training was leadership based, meaning basic instruction was never the intention of the courses. The Marine Corps wants leaders, plain and simple. I mention these courses above because it played a role in my struggles to adapt to the college life. In the Marine Corps, I was with my brothers. A Marine would be detached from his current unit while attending school full time until graduation. At that time he/she would return to their unit with the intent of training their own Marines with the knowledge they had just required. I guess you could say that upon returning to the unit, the newly graduated Marine would now be the resident expert on all things concerning that specific skill. What this means is that throughout the training a Marine would be working towards a goal of graduating, all while being eager to return to his unit to share the wealth with his unit. Now that I was in college, I didn’t know what I was preparing for. I was unsure of my calling into ministry and did not have a place I was going to return to upon completion. In the military, I was not attending class with like-minded people with whom I served. In school, I was no longer with my brothers. These people were strangers to me. They were different, I could not relate to them, and they did not seem the least bit interested in relating to me as well.

Up to this point, I have described my personal experiences leaving the military and attending college for the first time. I have not described my prayer life during this period, or where exactly God was throughout this entire process. I have made no mention of the local church, and that was done purposely because those things were almost non-existent. At least, that’s what I thought. This was not a good thing. No accountability, no confirmation of a calling into anything, and nothing to help encourage me on this new journey. I was confused, even lost at times, and was struggling to find my purpose in all of this. This was a different world indeed.

To be continued…

This is part 3 of a series of articles, detailing the last several years of my life. This journey will include my experience as a Marine Corps infantryman, my transition to civilian life, becoming a first-time college student, a seeker-sensitive pastor, and a personal conviction to not stop at the Doctrines of Grace and to keep Reforming my faith. I hope this can be a form of encouragement for people going through a similar transition in their lives, and for those unsatisfied with the ambiguousness of the term Reformed. 

Before I discuss my first day in a college classroom, I would like to clarify a few things I didn’t mention in my previous article, found here.

While in the Marine Corps I had risen to the rank of Staff Sergeant and had held that rank for about 4 years before I left the service in 2012. Since I was considered a career Marine at that point, my responsibilities at that time were different than they had been in my previous years in service. My last job before leaving the Corps was as a Platoon Sergeant, and I was a part of an infantry Battalion setting to deploy within a year from the time they returned from their most recent deployment. That is not a typo either, they really were leaving again that soon. When your country is at war you can be sure that Marine infantry units are rotating out at a significant pace. As I checked into my unit I was immediately given my platoon which consisted of about 50 Marines, ranging in ranks from Private – Sergeant. It was here where I was able to continue a fast-paced life, training my Marines for what would soon become another sea-service deployment, and yet another opportunity for them to defend their country.

But things were different now. I had experienced a change of heart at this point, and I was preparing to jump at the opportunity to leave the Corps. I mention all of this because one of the things that really scared me about leaving the service was the thought of slowing down. Looking back over my career, I can now see that the pace of life in the Corps really contributed to how I dealt with my emotions. Whether it was training Marine Corps Recruits, making future infantrymen, or preparing them for a specific combat operation, I was always dealing with my Marines in the same manner and in the only way I really knew how.

I was hard on them, very hard.

This would be obvious when on occasion I would bump into my former Marines out in town. It was almost as if they were afraid of me. They were very careful with me, not entirely knowing what to expect. I don’t mean that I was physically abusive towards them, because I wasn’t. I was hard on them in a sense that if I seen them having any kind of fun in my presence it was viewed as a negative thing. If they were smiling, relaxing, or joking around, I took it personally. It seemed in my mind at least, that if they had time to fool around while in a training environment, then I was not doing my job. I think I was a good leader, and was always treated as such. But this kind of leadership could only take place in an environment like the Marine Corps. So what does this have to do with my life today? Everything. This kind of leadership and daily lifestyle I now feel helped masked things that were going through my mind for years. Thing’s I did, thing’s I seen, and thing’s that I could not erase from my mind. I never really dealt with them, or even attempted to work through them properly.  I never discussed them with another person, not even my wife. This pace of life allowed me to push through my problems by covering these issues with a blanket and pretending they weren’t really there. When we arrived to Hawaii, I was eager to continue this lifestyle and get back to what I knew best, training Marines.

Upon receiving orders to Hawaii, I needed to extend my contract so that I would have at least 3 years left on my contract once I arrived in Hawaii. I could only imagine the cost of sending a Marine, his family, his belongings, which inlcuded a personal vehicle overseas. So with my contract extension pending, I was allowed to execute my orders anyway and fly my family to Hawaii. When we arrived we had to live in temporary housing until a permanent home for us became available. I recieved a call one day saying that a home had became available for us but that there was just one problem, I didnt have enough time left on my contract. Turned out, that since I was a senior enlisted Marine I was required to have a Secret Security Clearance in order to be granted an extension. I didnt have one, so they denied it. What did that mean? Well, first thing was to apply for a security clearance. That came and went rather quickly, and I would receive my clearance in just one a months time. But when the Marine Corps decided to deny my extension, it gave me options as I was already in Hawaii, and only had a year left on my current contract. As I mentioned in my previous article I had been struggling daily up to this point on whether I would leave the Corps after my 3 years were up. Now I could exit the military in just over a years time.

That call to my First Sergeant is something that I would never forget. Staff Non-Commisioned Officers don’t grow on trees in the Marine Corps, especially when it comes to the infantry side of the house. When I told him I had been accepted to a Univeristy and that I was going to be ending my enlistement he lost his mind. My wife was in the room with me as I pulled the phone away from my from my face to protect my ear drums. It was a profanity laced rant that was very disheartening. A couple of minutes later when he was finished, I was finally able to tell him what I was leaving for. I explained to him that I was a Cristian and that I felt God was leading me in a different direction. It could be to pastoral minsitry, or maybe even a return to the military as a Chaplain once I receieved my education. I did not know completely what I was going to do, but I wanted to prepare myself for whatever God had planned for us by earning my education. From then on it felt as if I was speaking with a different person. He congratualted me and began speaking about his brother in law who just happened to be a minister of the Gospel. He said it was an honorable thing to do, but finshed our conversation with a warming. He said how he couldn’t let me go without reminding me of the huge leap of faith I was talking my leaving the Marine Corps. I was so close to retiring, with only 8 more years of service until retirement would be an option. In his 19 years of service he knew the chance I was taking by leaving the comfort of the Corps. I thanked him and would begin the check-out process to becoming a civilian again. The Marine Corps life was very tough at times, but thing’s would get plenty tougher for me in the near future, and in a different way all together. The fast-paced life of the Marine Corps would soon be replaced by the slow-paced life of a 32 year-old college student.

To be continued…

 

 

 

This is part two of a series of articles, detailing the last several years of my life. This journey will include my experience as a Marine Corps infantryman, my transition to civilian life, a first-time college student, a seeker-sensitive pastor, and a personal conviction to not stop at the Doctrines of Grace and to keep Reforming my faith. I hope this can be a form of encouragement for people going through a similar transition in their lives, and for those unsatisfied with the ambiguousness of the term Reformed. 

Leaving the Marine Corps after 12 years of active duty service was not an easy task. In fact, much of the year 2011 was a daily struggle for me as I contemplated leaving the service to pursue where I felt God was leading me. I could have just stayed in the Corps, where I was protected, secure and experienced in my profession. However, leaving the military to prepare for something even greater than serving my country was starting to become a reality for my family and I.

For the first time in my career, leaving the Corps started to become a valid option, though it was not easy. Don’t get me wrong, what they say is true. The Marine Corps can be a tough life. Its demands are real, sacrifices for your country are often brutal, and the time spent away from your family is hard. But the Marine Corps also takes care of their serviceman.

During my wife’s first two pregnancies, I never worried about doctor visits, hospital bills, or any other medical expenses. I was paid on the 1st and 15th of every month, regardless of how much I worked. This was such a positive for my family and I. Since leaving the service altogether, I have also become very aware of how hard it is being a civilian. The security I had while in the Corps was no longer there, and the job I once took for granted was no longer a given. Having two young daughters at the time did not make my decision any easier. To be honest, I was truly scared to leave the comforts of the Corps, even with another deployment lurking on the horizon.

As a Marine Corps infantryman, deployments were part of the job. I had already served on multiple tours to Afghanistan and Iraq, with more trips on the horizon. During my 12-year career, I was given the opportunity to serve at just about every level. This included teaching Marine Corps Recruits how to handle, shoot, and qualify on the rifle range with a M16 service rifle during Basic Training (Boot Camp). I was also an Infantry Combat Instructor at the School of Infantry, teaching entry-level Marines the basic skills needed to be sent out to their respective units for future combat operations. My last tour was spent at Marine Corps Base Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii, serving as a Platoon Sergeant for an Infantry Battalion. The opportunity to make an impact on the lives of young men was truly an honor. But still, something inside me was always yearning for something greater.

During the summer of 2011, my priorities started to shift. As I mentioned earlier, for the first time in my life, I was having these crazy ideas about leaving the service altogether. Eventually, I made the decision to apply to a private university in southern California, just to see what they would say. The process went pretty smoothly, and despite having been out of school for about 14 years, they accepted me as a transfer student for the spring of 2012. All I knew about the school was that it was a Christian institution, which for me, meant they were one of the good guys! At the time, every Christian University was the same to me. The only difference between them was a matter of location and taste. I would come to learn that this was not the case. So I sent my family home early, packed up our stuff in Hawaii, and headed back to Southern California to be a college student. It was a very exciting time for us, but also a very scary transition.

After being in the military for much of my adult life, I had no idea what it would be like to sit in a classroom again. But after several years training young men to serve their country at war, we decided it was time for me to prepare for where I felt God was calling me. I soon found myself in a completely new world. A world that would place me on the fast track to achieve my goals, but also bring to light some internal struggles I was hiding from the everyone.

To be continued…

Below, is an article I had written during a difficult transition in my life. I had resigned as a pastor from my seeker-driven church, watched the Mars Hill bus that had helped me leave that movement come to a crashing halt, and would continue to struggle to adapt to life as a civilian after serving most of my adult life in the military. I wanted to share this time in my life because it was during this journey that I would discover the Doctrines of Grace, and by His grace continue to Reform my theology. I will build off this article with an ongoing series in the weeks to come. My hope is that this can serve as encouragement to those refusing to stop at the Doctrines of Grace, and see who truly has a seat at the Reformed table.

Have you ever made a purchase, only to receive something that wasn’t as advertised? I remember watching the movie Falling Down as a kid. It was about a man who was at the end of his rope, just looking for that one last reason to go off of the deep end. There is a memorable scene in the beginning of the movie where after his car breaks down, he arrives at a hamburger joint in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. When he orders the Macho burger that is shown on the menu, things go from bad to worst in about three seconds, when the hamburger he receives looks nothing like the picture on the menu.

I mention this scene because you often see the same sort of thing take place when it comes to Reformed Theology. You, by Gods grace, come to embrace a doctrine, and you think you have become reformed and that all is well. You then take the next necessary step, which is to return to your nightly cage to protect you and the relationships you share with the rest of the world. Lightly joking there.

But, wait just one minute; are you even reformed, bro? I could imagine a guy at the gym looking down at me with my neatly stacked 10 lb. plates asking if I really even lift. You see, what you think you just ordered (or received in this example), was in fact, something not quite as reformed as you originally thought.

I remember having a theological conversation with a pastor friend of mine, one day at his residence. As we talked about a certain megachurch pastor (whose theology and philosophy of ministry has come into question, as of late) my friend responded by showing me a message board comment written six years prior, from the pastor in question. It was here that this pastor seems to have made a positive statement regarding God’s sovereignty over salvation. When I read the comment, I was already mentally preparing my response (which would include all of his recent non-reformed actions, statements, and work), when my friend beat me to it by saying, “He’s Reformed, bro!” He then gave me this pastor’s best-selling book to read and encouraged me to, “give the guy a chance.” Obviously, my friend was misinformed, but I just ended the conversation as I realized just how confused people really are on this subject.

This is the very reason I wrote this post. What does it mean to be Reformed? As a former pastor, who resigned from his seeker-driven church, studied the Bible at a Wesleyan University and grew up going to an Arminian church, it was the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement that challenged me to examine my traditions. Yes, the Driscoll’s, the Acts 29’s, and the Mars Hill bus were rolling through my barrio and I jumped on for the ride. This would result in me leaving the traditions I grew up being taught as gospel. But everything wasn’t okay. I am not only speaking of the poor leadership that totaled that Mars Hill bus, either. I’m speaking of the Calvinistic, Charismatic movement that this ultimately ended up being. It just seemed so emotional, unstable, and in my opinion, very inconsistent.

So after many years of referring to myself as a Reformed Baptist, I continue on my quest to allow others to challenge my traditions and hope to gracefully challenge their own. I have listed a few simple steps that I will use to aid in my study. I hope that these steps might encourage you, if like me, you also struggle with this reformed smorgasbord we see in our current times.

1) Continue to be saturated with Gods Word.

This is a must, as eyes to see and ears to hear can only be given from the Father above, and can only be understood through His revelation in His Word.

2) Study hard.

Learn from the ones who came before you. If you don’t embrace infant baptism, read sources that support your position, and those that are on the other side. If you sense inconsistencies in Covenant Theology, for example, read scholarly work from those that have a passion for the Word, an understanding of church history and a firm grasp of that respected tradition. If you only surround yourself with others that think just like you, talk just like you, and already hold firm to your position, you’re likely missing an opportunity to be encouraged by another brother or sister in Christ.

3) Don’t be afraid!

Don’t be afraid to leave the traditions you have such a firm grasp on. Treat people with respect. Understand that despite our differences, we are likely brothers and sisters in Christ and should treat each other as such. When someone disagrees with you, don’t perceive it as being divisive. Instead, maybe some more listening and praying, and less ego and pride, can actually allow us to learn from our brothers and sisters. Maybe then we can actually be encouraged by each other’s faith (Romans 1:12).

At the end of the day, I am not defined by being an Arminian, Reformed, Paedobaptist, Credobaptist, Baptist, etc. I am defined by being one in Christ. As we attempt to maintain the main things, I am encouraged, motivated, and looking forward to my quest at recovering the Reformed tradition. In a world where everyone and their uncle calls themselves Reformed, I agree with many in searching for clarity concerning this matter. I have decided to start reading What is Reformed Theology by R.C. Sproul and Recovering the Reformed Confession by R.Scott Clark. I figure reading these books might be a good place to start. As one of my heroes of the faith, James White, says on just about every episode of the Dividing Line, “Theology Matters.” If we take this seriously, we need to allow our traditions to be challenged and search the scriptures to see if these things are so.